Treacherous Murder (it should’ve died four years prior)
My sunflower was the best toy in the world. Honestly, I don’t even know if it was a sunflower or not, but that’s what I called it, and I loved it. She had red silk triangular petals framing a yellow smiley face, with a dragonfly, a ladybug, and my favorite, a bumblebee, tied on strings around her face. One of my grandma’s old lady friends gave it to me as a baby, and even into my elementary school years I’d never gotten over it. I needed to sleep? Give her sunflower, let her play with the silky petals until she falls asleep. I needed to be motivated to do something? Steal sunflower and only give it back after I did it. I needed to be quiet at church? Let her trace the embroidered smiley face until she falls asleep on the pews. When I woke up, you would almost always see my tiny figure with mussed hair walking out of my shared room and one hand dragging Sunflower on the ground behind me.
Sunflower was always there for me.. until she wasn’t.
My parents were off at work, and it was a weekend, so I’d slept in late. It was maybe 10, or 12, or 1800 for all I cared, but that’s not the point. I’d been woken up in distress; something was missing. Sunflower! Where was she? I searched low and high (or as high as a 3rd grader could search) and I found her! Or at least, I thought I did. She was in my older sister’s hands, but something else, something shiny, was in her hands as well. Oblivious to what she was doing, I ran up to her to get Sunflower back, but instead I was rewarded with the most horrific sight known to man— my older sister. Cutting. Up. Sunflower.
I didn’t know what else to do except sob and attempt to beat her up, but while chasing her, she mocked that “you were too old to still be playing with her; grow up!” By then my grandma had caught me, but the words stuck. I was too old for my favorite toy? How could that be possible? I tried to piece Sunflower back together, as if I could piece together my childhood again. But maybe this was what I needed to move on, a shock. At some point I could fall asleep without Sunflower, I could do what I was told without collateral, and I managed to stay awake during Sunday mass (okay maybe my head lulled back a few times.. but my point stands). It’s always possible to move on, and needing a little more help with some things isn’t a crime; it just depends how it is done. Sometimes I still want Sunflower, on nights I can’t sleep, but I’m a big kid now so I manage (with my teddy bear I’d used from that treacherous moment on).
Since that moment on, I still haven’t been able to find pictures of Sunflower. Here is my best rendition of her:
PS I love my older sister, I can’t blame her 5th grade actions on her. That doesn’t mean I don’t bring it up annually though!
This was amazing!! The description of Sunflower gave me a vivid image of what she looked like (the drawing supported this wholly), and the anecdote of when Sunflower was cut up by Sabrina made me feel sad :( I loved how you included how enraged you were when Sunflower was being cut up, but maybe you could elaborate about how you felt in that moment, to convey the significance of the moment and how it was pivotal in your life.
ReplyDeleteI love how you compared the loss of your Sunflower toy to the end of your childhood, it was a very creative comparison! Also, as another victim of an older sister who destroyed toys, I get how you feel lol. I enjoyed reading this!
ReplyDeleteI love the way you connected the concept of moving on to your childhood toy. I also liked how you included how your Sunflower being destroyed was the start of you journey growing up from your childhood. As a younger sibling, i understand the grief and disappointment brought by your sister at the time.
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